Just Thinking
by Raven Deathstar
Summary: Shuichi thinks about life and death, and how it affects him and Yuki. one shot YukixShuichi


**A/N: **I have no idea where this fic came from x.x I just started writing randomly the other night and took the form of this fic lol. Not sure if it makes sense or not, but please read it and tell me what you think. However, I don't accept flames, though I adore constructive criticism (and yes, there is a difference)

**Warnings: **shounen ai, tiny bit of yaoi. A tiny bit of swearing on Yuki's part

**Disclaimer: **Nup, don't own, though I really wish I did

!#&()

Just Thinking 

Yuki glanced over the rim of the novel at his lover. Something wasn't right- Shuichi was completely silent.

The blond author frowned. Now that he thought about it, Shuichi had been silent for the entire evening- he hadn't said a word other than the customary 'tadaima'.

_Is he sick? _Yuki wondered, frowning.

He lowered the book onto the table, and removed his glasses, placing them on top of the novel. Yuki cleared his throat pointedly, but Shuichi remained sitting on the couch, staring at his hands, which lay folded on his lap.

_Why isn't he jumping around screaming like he normally is? _Yuki glared at his lover, but the pink haired singer still didn't look up.

"That's it." Yuki snapped, fed up with the abnormal silence. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Shuichi looked up, alarmed, clearly caught off guard. Yuki was starting to get slightly worried- Shuichi had obviously been deep in thought, and the pink haired boy was _never_ deep in thought, unless there was something seriously wrong.

"Huh? What's the matter Yuki? Did I do something wrong?" Shuichi asked anxiously.

Yuki shook his head. "You're not being as annoying as you usually are, brat."

Shuichi gave a faint smile which didn't reach his troubled eyes. "Nothing's wrong Yuki. Well, not really... I mean, it's just..." he sighed, and ran a slender hand through his pink hair. "What would you do if I was gone, Yuki?"

Yuki's amber eyes widened slightly, and he suppressed a tiny gasp of shock.

_Shuichi's thinking of leaving me? But why? _thoughts raced madly around Yuki's head until he felt as if he was about to collapse.

"Rejoice most probably." Yuki forced the words out in a calm voice.

Shuichi frowned, hurt by Yuki's seemingly cold hearted words. "Yuki..."

The author heaved a weary sigh. "I'd go looking for you baka. What else would I do?" he said softly. His heart was still twisting and turning inside his chest. "Why are you asking such stupid questions?" he growled.

Shuichi avoided Yuki's irritated glare and stared fixedly at the clock on the wall. "But what if you couldn't find me? What if I had gone somewhere that you couldn't follow me to?"

Yuki leaned forward abruptly and grabbed Shuichi's chin, forcing the vocalist to look at him. There was a deep frown on Yuki's face, and it was obvious that the writer was upset.

"What are you talking about Shuichi? Where could you go that I wouldn't be able to follow you to?"

Shuichi's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Death." he whispered softly.

Yuki didn't try to hide his horror this time. He slapped Shuichi, hard, across the face, leaving a nasty red mark on his lover's face.

"How dare you- how could you-" Yuki growled, livid with anger. All of his memories of the original Yuki, Yuki Kitazawa, came back, and he could feel his slim frame shake with barely suppressed anger.

Shuichi gasped as he realised how much he had angered his lover. "Yuki I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to-"

"Why the hell are you blabbing on about death, brat?" Yuki demanded.

"I'm really sorry Yuki!" Shuichi sobbed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "But I've been thinking- about us, and about life. Any one of us could die at any time, Yuki. In a car accident, we could be murdered, suicide, whatever. The point is that we don't know how much longer we have with each other." Shuichi looked the picture of the picture of dejection- his violet eyes were downcast, absolute misery written on his face. He was pouting slightly, and his hands were shaking.

"And so?" Yuki snapped, having calmed down somewhat. He fumbled around for a cigarette, giving a tiny sigh of relief when he found a pack.

Shuichi frowned at the cigarette that was nestled between Yuki's fingers. "You could die from cancer soon- you smoke too much, Yuki."

"Who are you, my mother?" Yuki growled though he stuffed the cigarettes back into his pocket. "What's the whole point of your ramblings anyway?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I love you more than anything else, Yuki, and that I've enjoyed every second that I've spent with you." Shuichi said solemnly.

Yuki snorted, ruining the moment. "What a load of bullshit."

"I was being serious!" Shuichi cried, his hands curling into tiny fists.

"So was I." Yuki retorted. He stood up, stretching slightly. "Why is it that everything that comes from your mouth is crap? Where did you come up with this whole life and death shit anyway?"

Shuichi was silent for a minute, before he said softly, "It's been eight years today."

"Since what?" Yuki asked in his usual bored drawl, trying to sound like he didn't care.

"Since my parents died." Shuichi sighed. "They died suddenly without ever saying that they loved each other. They died before Maiko and I ever got to tell them how much we appreciated everything they had done for us, and how much we loved them. I don't want it to be like that for us, Yuki."

Yuki remained silent as he started putting things together in his mind. So Shuichi and Maiko were orphans, and had been for eight years- that meant that their parents had died when Shuichi was 11 years old. Yuki glanced at Shuichi, who looked at him with large, pleading violet eyes.

"Who were they then?" Yuki snapped finally.

"Who were who?" Shuichi asked, confused.

"The people that you threatened to go home to everytime we had a fight. If they're not your parents, then who are they?"

A faint blush stained Shuichi's cheeks as he remembered those threats. "They're our guardians. I think they're our third cousins twice removed or something like that." Shuichi shrugged. "They were hardly there anyway. It was mostly just me and Maiko taking care of ourselves."

Yuki sat back down, his amber eyes unreadable. "So what do you want me to do about all of this?"

The violet eyed boy smiled at him. "Nothing Yuki. Just think about it, that's all."

"Hn." Yuki picked up his novel again and started to read, occasionally glancing at his lover over the edge of his book.

Shuichi stood up and grabbed his coat, and stated to put on his sneakers.

"Where do you think you're going, brat?" Yuki snapped.

"Just out." Shuichi leaped onto Yuki's lap suddenly, causing the author to drop his book onto the floor. "I won't be long." Shuichi pressed his lips against Yuki's, smirking slightly when Yuki's tongue attacked his own, taking control of the kiss.

He felt Yuki's hands slide under his thin t-shirt and roam his heated skin, examining every inch of his chest, flicking his nipples lightly, causing Shuichi to cry out and press himself even more tightly against Yuki, who smirked and started to place a trail of heated kisses down Shuichi's slender neck.

Shuichi suddenly pulled away and adjusted his clothes. "I've really got to go." he said in explanation to Yuki's silent question.

The blond sighed and picked up his novel. "Whatever, baka. But you'd better be prepared to pick up where we left off when you get back."

Shuichi smiled and kissed Yuki again, this time sweetly. "I really do love you, Yuki. I just want you to remember that." he said quietly, and left the apartment.

Yuki waited until the door had closed behind his lover before sighing softly.

"I love you too, baka. And I don't ever want to lose you." Yuki said, his voice filling the otherwise empty apartment.

On the other side of the door, Shuichi smiled happily and walked off, whistling a new tune that he had just thought of softly to himself.

!#&()

**A/N: **Eh, dunno where the ending came from lol. I was originally going to make this a deathfic, with Shuichi dying from cancer or something xD but then decided against it x.X And um, please pretend that the thing about Shuichi's parents were true- I've never actually seen the anime or read the manga so I don't know much about Shuichi's family, but I'm just gonna pretend that they died, ok?

Oh, and another thing- is the guy's name even Kitazawa? X.x had a memory blank, sorry -.-;;


End file.
